Not every day can be a great day. I hold out hope that the end of my day will be much better than it has felt so far. I say felt because that is my problem right now, my darn feelings.
As great as these past two weeks have been, these days will still come, I have to work through it somehow. I know I will but in the moment, well sometimes a girl has just gotta cry it out to get past it. A good cry never hurt anyone, holding it in is what hurts. So, yes, I have cried. I feel slightly better but still have a lot of bad thoughts floating around my brain a painful feelings hurting me yet. Looking forward to this evening, I will probably feel better by then.
I just want to feel, normal. That is all. I want to feel like a normal human being again. I feel very rotten about myself and there are many other issues that come with that. I wish that eating wasn't something I had to do, or that buying clothing could be avoided, really, I wish I could go and hide somewhere for a good year to get myself back into shape. But, we cannot hide from our lives to fix what we messed up. We have to do it all at the same time.
I know I'm not being very positive or elegant in my writing today. But, it is one of those days. Nothing feels right right now. I need to go find a way to get over it, so until then. Wish me luck! I'm sure you will be able to tell when I am over it....for now.
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