One of those days.

I knew it would get here. A day of feeling discouraged and really bummed out. I'm so tired of worrying about my weight. I want it gone, it has been here dragging me down for so long, I need it gone. I really do.

And when I feel like this I get a twinge of hopelessness that causes me to want to quit.

On a positive note, that feeling isn't severe as it usualy is. I still get depressed when I have trouble keeping shirts covering my big stomach but I don't have such a huge desire to not try.

I really, really, really didn't want to even try to workout today. I am feeling really down about my shape and size so much so that I really cannot fully explain the loathing I had for the idea of putting that DVD in and getting moving.

I LOVE to move, but my weight makes me HATE it. So many things I try that I just cannot do because of my size. It is hard to go to move in a way that I used to, a way that felt great, a stretch a dance an exercise move.....whatever it is, I get stopped because of my stomach weight (that is where I carry most of it). I can't get off the floor as easy as I used it, I feel sooo heavy when I go to stand up. Man that gets me down in the dumps.

I just want it gone!

Despite these bad feelings I did push play, I didn't finish, I got too tired to keep going. But I tried! I got moving and did as much as I could! That counts for something right? I'm creating habits here, and putting that DVD in even when I really didn't want to is a good habit to make. So, par for the course, just one of those days. I'll try to workout tomorrow too seeing as it wasn't a complete workout today.

I am a tad sore yet from my last workout and from some work I have done here at home. I pulled an arm muscle, but not so bad I can't move it, it just hurts.

I'll keep on keeping on and keep creating new habits and taking baby steps. Trying to focus on what I have done already.

Maybe I will do something fun for more exercise today. That sounds like a good idea.

As far as eating goes same ole same ole. Still off the soda but have maybe had one since going off of it but I didn't even enjoy it. That is a GREAT sign. Keeps me from having another!

But, I would like to eat to a point of perfection (or as close as I can get). I am just not feeling happy today and thinking that if my waist doesn't drop and inch soon, I'm gonna get really depressed. I need to see some progress and not just in my habits. All these good new habits and nothing showing on that tape measure yet is discouraging to say the least. If I hit week two with nothing, I will feel sad. I would like to think I would be even more determined but I know me, I will get a little down about it.

So, we shall see. I just needed to vent all that out today. Thanks for bearing with me and my downer of a day.

Glad I have my great kids here with me! They bring me joy! :)