Day 2

This morning as I was laying in bed trying to wake up I had a pain in my leg. I had some leg cramping at night, a sure sign I need more calcium and magnesium. I used to take it every night before bed and it helped me sleep and prevented leg cramps...ugh, why did I have to get so lazy. I will be sure to take some before bed tonight. I will be limping half the morning because the charlie horse was that bad.

I also began to think about food as I lay there. I have yet to eat breakfast because so often it is easier to not eat than try to make the right food choice. But I will eat breakfast. That is something that I must do to lose weight, I cannot be lazy about making my own breakfast. It really isn't much more work than making something for the kids. They eat different than I do because one of my little ones has food allergies, I shouldn't be lazy about my own breakfast.

I also began to think of all the foods I cannot eat that I want to eat so bad! When I think of what we are to do today that is what I have trained myself to think of and that is bad. Without realizing it I have been using food to fill a void, fill the empty space, take up time, make myself feel better. It is so so hard to not go there. To not fall into that comfort of fried foods and soda water.

I'm sure there are many who may not understand why this is comforting but it is. It tastes good of course, and sugar well. Sugar I found out literally increases seratonin levels in your brain! That is the feel good hormone. So you get this very temporary little mood boost. And when I am feeling just slightly down I crave that boost. I don't even have to be really sad anymore. Since I have been eating sugar so much these past three years it is like I just crave that boost more and more. I no longer have to be sobbing to want to eat chocolate, I just have to be a little bored, a little down, or just wanting to make my down time more enjoyable. It is like a drug, sugar is like a drug and that makes me mad. I don't want to go down that road anymore. I'm done. I'm tired, and I want to feel good all on my own.

I am a happy person so I just remind myself of that and that I don't need sugar! I don't need it I don't want it I just crave it. My flesh craves sugar. But, I'm done listening. The next time I have a slice of cake it will be at my sons 2nd birthday....and it will be an allergen free cake at that! And by then I will have reached a few of my weight loss goals. (I know I need to write those down too!)

It is hard to be this totally honest about my food choices and my realizations about why I had made them (whether I was aware of them at the time or not). The harder thing even is to promise myself to make different food choices from now on.

I need to look at food differently, I need to ask myself, would I let the kids eat this? Would I let them have soda? When they get a treat, do I let them eat a whole bunch of it? No way, I want them to be healthy. So, I need to do the same for myself, they deserve a healthy mama.